The Everything Parody
by Cougerstar
Summary: What happens when a bunch of insane warriors obsessed people come together and write a parody of anything they think of? Click to find out....
1. Introduction

The Everything Parody

Fire- Welcome to the everything parody.

Crystal- Where we parody everything!

Twink- Well not everything…..

Crystal- Sure we are!

Twink- I mean it's not like we're parodying the air or anything…

Crystal- We can! Haha air! Fuzz laugh at the air!

Fuzz- Ha air. Can I have an oreo now?

Crystal- No they're MINE!

Twink-Hey those are MINE!!

Fire- Can we please get back on topic for those few people that haven't clicked the back button yet?

Crystal- Fine. What were we talking about again?

Fire- sigh Okay, I'll explain. This is a parody written by a bunch of bored spazzes. There will be parodies of Warriors, Harry Potter, Twilight, The Host, Fullmetal Alchemist and anything else that randomly comes into our heads.

Sarrel- And there is also "Flammable or Not?" Were Fire, me and sometimes Twink and maybe Crystal set random things on fire.

Fuzz- I'm concerned…

Fire- You should be.

Crystal- Read it now!

Twink- There might not by anything up yet you know…..

Crystal- Details, detail….

Fire- When it is up read it or die!

Sarrel- I'll blow you up

Fuzz- I'll sit on you.

Twink- That actually is a pretty good threat….

Fire- Okay, everyone shut up so we can end this page.

BANG!!

Fuzz- I fell.

Fire- sigh

Fuzz- Help?

It won't all be written in this style, this is just the opener. Also keep in mind this is written by several different people. It will all be random and funny (probably) so read it! (Please?)


	2. The Host

Hello, I'm Twink, and I'll be writing this portion on the Everything Parody

Hello, I'm Twink, and I'll be writing this portion on the Everything Parody. Please enjoy. It's mainly _The Host_, but also has _Twilight_, _Harry Potter_, and _Warriors _characters in it…Oh, and as a note, we made this up when I wasn't very far into _The Host,_ so Melanie and Wanderer don't get along as well, and they kinda randomly find Jared…

_Oh, this fount is going on inside Melanie's over-crowded head_

And this one is them talking out loud

_Melanie:_ _Oh look Wanderer! It's Jared; can we go talk to him?_

_Wanderer: Yes, but he'll know I'm not you…_

Wanderer walks over to Jared Hi Jared!

Jared: Melanie?

Tigerstar: No, it is I, the Great Tigerstar!

Jared: Mel, you okay?

_Wanderer:_ _Hey! Where'd you come from!?_

_Tigerstar: The Dark Forest…and I brought my son, Hawkfrost._

_Hawkfrost: hi waves_

_Melanie: How many people are in my head now?_

_Wanderer: 4, including you._

Wanderer: Umm…no Jared, we're not really fine…

Jared: We? scowls

_Melanie: See what you've done! Say 'I', not 'we'!_

_Wanderer: sorry…_

Voldomort(sp?): I am Voldomort!

Jared: okay…

_Wanderer: Another person!? Why can't I just live in peace…?_

_Melanie: Look who's talking._

_Tigerstar: Oh, for the record, we're not people. We're cats…_

_Hawkfrost: Yah…_

_Voldomort: I'm a wizard!_

_Melanie: Oh, for the love of…_

Wanderer: Uhh…Jared, what would you do if I said there were five consciousnesses inside my head?

Jared: Well…I probably wouldn't believe you.

_Melanie: But Jared! It's true! Help me get rid of them!_

_Wanderer: He can't hear you…_

_Melanie: No duh! I can still try…_

James: Dang it! There's no food for me here either! I can't believe I let that last girl get away from me!

Victoria: It's okay, those pitiful excuses for vampires protecting her were stronger than we anticipated…

Jared: Am I missing something? Mel…?

_Melanie: Uhh…excuse me!?_

_James and Victoria: What?_

_Wanderer: Before Melanie uses some vulgar language, I think she wants to know who you are and why you're in her head…_

_Victoria: well, I'm Victoria…_

_James: And I'm James. We're vampires._

_Melanie: …………What is this!? Like, villains-congregate-in-Melanie's-head day!?_

_Wanderer: sure seems like it…_

_Melanie: Okay, everyone. GO AWAY!!_

_Wanderer: I'm staying._

_Melanie: Fine, Wanderer can stay, I guess. But everyone else has to leave._

_Hawkfrost: Make us._

Melanie: breaks through to control of her voice Everyone out!! NOW!

Jared: Melanie? Out of what? takes a step backwards

Melanie: Jared! hugs him Help, please. There are six people inside of my head, not including me.

_Everyone: Ah-hem._

Melanie: Oh, fine. Two cats, two vampires, a wizard, and a parasite.

Jared: OMFG! How!?

Melanie: I don't know, it was just me and the 'soul' until about five minutes ago…

Jared: One of_ them_ is in your head? How do I know your not it, just talking to me? breaks her grasp

Melanie: Because I love you?

_Melanie: I blame you!_

_Wanderer: it's okay. You usually do._

Scourge: I am Scourge! Leader of BloodClan!

_Melanie: ABNOTHER one!?_

_Tigerstar: hide me!_

_Hawkfrost: You can't hide; we're voices in someone's head._

_Melanie: and that 'someone' sure wishes you'd leave…_

Melanie: see? If I was a parasite, I wouldn't keep yelling random titles and statement…that's everyone that keeps joining the 'party' in my brain. sigh

Jared: Your eyes are reflective.

Melanie: That's Wanderer's fault scowl

_Wanderer: suck it up._

_Melanie: Oh, was that just an angry comment. teasingly_

_Wanderer: Yah, well, I'm abit tense with all these extra challenges in your head. No one told me this was possible…_

_Melanie: I don't think it is…_

_Everyone: it's not? disappears_

_Wanderer: What was that?_

_Melanie: I wish I knew…_

_Wanderer: uhh…Bye Jared, we love you! runs away_


	3. Harry Potter

Okay here is the second chapter. DON'T READ IF YOU HAVEN'T READ THE SEVENTH HARRY POTTER BOOK!!

Chapter Two: Harry Potter

Voldemort had raised his wand. His head was still tilted to the side, like a curious child, wondering what would happen if he proceeded. Harry looked back into the red eyes, and wanted it to happen now, quickly, while he could still stand, before he lost control, before he betrayed fear-

He saw the mouth move and a flash of green light, and everything was gone.

Yep. Harry died.

Harry- Hey! I was supposed to come back to life for reasons not completely explained!

Fire- Yes but this is a parody, we're doing something different.

And then… well you know what happened if you read the book and if you didn't, well… you shouldn't be reading this in the first place. Okay so they got to the castle and everyone was sad and the Death Eaters won blah blah blah…. And then, from the sky descended Tigerstar. He then threw a rock at Voldy's head and he died.

Everyone- O.O

Harry- I was killed off so you could write that?

Fire- Never underestimate boredom. Besides you should have died anyway.

Harry- …….I feel loved.

And then Edward Cullen appeared and his fan girls also popped out of nowhere and trampled all of the Death Eaters.

Edward- That was random…

Fire- It could happen though, you're fan girls are scary…..

Edward- True

Fire- Now can we stop interrupting and get back to the random and completely plotless story?

"Now I am the most powerful villain, MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!" "Full of yourself today aren't you?" Tigerstar turned around to see his enemy, Firestar! "YOU!" He yowled, "You ruined all of my plains!" "Yeah well, you ruined all of my plains!" "……You didn't have any plains….." "All the more reason for you to ruin them!" Tigerstar growled in frustration. Then Firestar had an idea. "I know a way to settle this like mature adults!"

"Rock, paper, scissors!"

both get rock

-growl- "Okay let's try again"

"Rock, paper, scissors!"

both get paper

"GAAAH!! Okay one more'

"Rock, paper, scissors!"

Both get scissors

"GAAAAH!!" And so on….

**500 years later**

"Rock, paper, scissors!"

Both get paper, again.

Squirrelflight- Firestar will you finish this already? We need you in StarClan!

Firestar- Squirrelflight? When did you die?

Squirrelflight- …….Its been five hundred years... Of course I'm dead!

Firestar- Right... I knew that...

Tigerstar- What about me??

Squirrelflight- Nobody loves you. Go die. Again.

Tigerstar- is emo

--

And now…..**Flammable or Not!**

Here is one that should have gone in the previous chapter.

Fire- Alien Souls: Flammable or Not?

Sarrel- Tries to light Soul on fire. Nothing happens.

TAKE TWO

Fire- Okay, Soul soaked in gasoline. Flammable or Not?

Sarrel- Lights Soul on fire again, it bursts into flame.

Both- Flammable!

And now, here's a smart idea…

Fire- Lord Voldemort: Flammable of Not?

Lights on fire

Flammaa…. he he's going to kill us with his wand run away!!

Thanks to Glitterpaw of ThunderClan for reviewing! gives oreos You should take those quickly before Fuzz sees them.

If you review you can have oreos too!

Fuzz- Did you say something about oreos?

Twink- Wait oreos?

Crystal- GIVE THEM TO ME!

Uh-oh, I have to go bye! runs away


	4. Sarrel's Chapter

**Before you read this, you must learn Sarrel's three things to do if a fire is out of control.**

1 Try rolling in the fire to smother it.

2 Gasoline, like water, will drown a fire.

3 gunpowder will work like sand and smother the fire too.

Try these at home if you don't believe me. (really try it, and videotape it, and send me the video tape. If the camera survives the um... just send me the tape.)

This is Sarrel's First chapter in the everything parody. Also known as chapter three. I think you will find me all around destr- I mean delightful and violen- violet. I'm purple. I AM A PURPLE COW. Learn Sarrel's three ways to put out a fire!! Anyway, onto Sarrel's chapter.

Deathtail, was incredibly bored. He sat on a rock and stared at natures beauty. It made him want to whack someone on the head with a mallet. Some nearby grasses rustled and out popped Violetscar. He wasn't surprised to see her. He wished he had a mallet.

"Violetscar, is it Monday still? I'm really bored, and only Mondays make me this bored..."

"Actually Deathtail, it's Tuesday."

He hopped up and grinned maniacally.

"Really?"

"Um... yes..."

"Reeeeeaaaaallly?"

"Yeah..."

"Reeee"

"Shut. Up. Deathtail."

"Okay. Violetscar?"

"Yes?"

"Are you deputy?"

"Yes, Deathtail." She sounded rather exasperated at this point.

"Do you know what happens on Tuesdays?"

"What?"

Deathtail looked incredibly happy when he walked into camp. One would think that moving from boredom to happiness would always make one's face look better. Deathtail would certainly prove that one wrong. And whack them on the head with a mallet. His face was incredibly horrible. In that, I know something (really bad) you don't know! kind of way. At this point the leader, Fluffystar, walked up to talk to him.

"Deathtail, have you seen Violetscar?"

"Nope"

"You sure?"

"Yep. What makes you think I have?"

"Because it's Tuesday, you look happy, and everyone else is accounted for."

"I want my lawyer!"

"A two-leg?"

"Why does it have to be a two-leg? Are you calling cats Dumb, you know you're a cat, right? Masochistic freak!"

"I don't really understand a word you just said. And anyway, cats can't be lawyers because they can't carry suitcases, and can't wear those suits that lawyers do. They don't come with a hole in the butt for a tail."

"Lawyers could all be manx!", shouted a passing cat.

They both turned on him.

"Racist creep!" Shouted Fluffystar.

"Are you calling other cats dumb?" screamed Deathtail.

"GET HIM!! They shouted together!"

And together, they dragged him off and threw him off a cliff. Surprisingly he survived, with minimal amnesia, and went on to write a weight loss book. It made millions. And then he got sued for plagiarism and lost it all. Then he wrote a book about THAT and sold it. It made millions too, this time he didn't get sued, and he lived happily ever after. With tuna and shrimp.

"So what were we talking about?" said Fluffystar.

"Can I be deputy?"

"Ok, you're deputy now."

"Cool! Is it still Tuesday?"

"Um... Yeah..."

"Can we go talk about something in Private?"

"Fellow cats of Couchclan, Fluffystar, died. An invisible cat killed her. So I am now drumroll Deathstar of Couchclan!!"

(At this point Hawkfrost falls from the sky with cinnamon buns stuck to the sides of his head and runs around screaming,"Obi Wan Kenobi, You're my only Hoooooooooooooope!!")

Fire- Well that was Sarrel's chapter, we would like to sugest you don't do anything she tells you to.

Oreos for Glitterpaw Of ThunderClan and ColdAsTheMoon-Itomi! Thanks for reviewing!


	5. Disclaimer Chapter

Okay, I'm really sorry that it took me so long to put up this chapter, blame forgetfulness and computer problems (Vista is EVIL!!) Anyway, so we noticed that we forgot to put any disclaimers on our previous chapters so one of us decided to write a whole chapter for it. See if you can guess who wrote this. (Couger, Twink, Crystal or Sarrel) Despite what it says below, you will get extra oreos. Speaking of oreos, Glitterpaw of ThunderClan and oOoForgottensongoOo get some for reviewing. You guys are awesome! Promise the next chapter will be up sooner!

The Horrifying Disclaimer Chapter

Ok, so guess what? We don't own any of this. Now, seeing as this is , you'd think this was totally, and absolutely unnecessary, but guess what? Apparently it is. Now, I know that many people will just want to skip this, and I'm just going to say right here, that I would probably do the same thing. But if any of you DO feel like reading on, go ahead, and bring a hardback book with you, because by the time you're done, you'll be banging your head on it! (I wouldn't mind you sending me a video of that by the way, you could get payed!)

(You won't) Twink whispers to you.

Shut !#&#! Twink.

Anyway, on to the matter at hand. This was made as a parody, and therefore, it is a form of FanFICTION. With this in mind, you can automatically assume several things. a)We're obsessed nutjobs, and b)we don't own anything that's written about here. These are both true statements. Even our own characters, Twink, Cougerstar, Fuzz, and so fourth, are all based on the ideas from the warriors series by Erin Hunter (Who by the way is several people and- oh, forget it.) Anyway, the point is, we don't own the copyright stuff to any of this, because it's FANFICTION. Anyway, I think probably has a better explanation of the specifics, and I'm to lazy to hunt it down, but maybe whoever posts this will figure it out and post a link. For now though, it's up to you to guess who wrote this chapter. First correct guess get oreos. Actually, no. I just ate them. But you'll get the happy feeling that had things happened differently, you may or may not have gotten oreos. (probably not anyway.)


	6. EP Aliens

So, quite honestly, and I never thought that I'd say this, but I almost miss school. If of course it didn't involve homework, Algebra and so forth, I think I'd almost like it, at least it gives me something to do on Mondays. More importantly though, I am incredibly bored right now. And MSW is whining at me because the last sentence was apparently a fragment. It doesn't look like a fragment to me. As a matter of fact, having passed English last year, I could name all the parts of that sentence. Which is a whole sentence by the way, not a $%#&$! fragment. I am, apparently, smarter than whoever wrote MSW. Or much dumber and I don't realize it. Anyway, now that I'm done inflating my ego, I will hopefully get on to the point of this rant.

Aliens

As in the little green guys that abduct people and probe them. And mess up farmers fields. Those farmers should really sue those aliens by the way, or at least get good money from the press for pictures of it. Oooooh! And they steal cows, take all the good cuts out of the carcass and leave the rest in the field. It's called cow mutilation. Though this could also be attributed to meat thieves or drunken teenagers.

This chapter of the Everything Parody is to be all about aliens. Why? Because I have no life, and apparently you think that this would be a good Idea to read. Maybe it will be, maybe not. I don't know. I haven't written it yet. But I will. Oh yes, I will.

(Oh, and as a note, I shall be carrying on in third-person.)

Sarrel was bored, much as many of her stories started, but she couldn't help it. That was usually how she felt when she started writing a story anyway. So she was bored, and sitting on a couch flipping through the channels, when there was this green light outside. She didn't bother to go look. People could do what they wanted with their Christmas lights after the holidays, and whatever they were doing, she'd rather not know.

Then there was a knock on the door. Again, she wasn't expecting anyone, and it was probably a door-to-door salesman selling some brand, of some item, that did something, that, most importantly, she didn't want. But it wasn't. Not this time anyway, though she wouldn't know the difference.

What finally got her off her lazy butt and over to the door to look, was that a) they didn't stop knocking, and b) the hour had just passed to where all that's on are paid programs. And she honestly didn't care how good a blender it was, she wasn't interested in watching the commercial or buying the product. So she got up and answered the door.

Aliens apparently knock just like people who want to sell you something. On the contrary, they wanted her to sell something. Specifically, they wanted one of her kidneys.

"What do you intend on doing with my kidney? Do you need them for genetic material to further your race or something? Because I consider that a good cause."

"Ummm… If I say yes will you give me your kidney?"

"Is that really why you want my Kidney?"

"Nah, we want to sell it. We'll give you 30% of the profit."

"Ah, come on! It's my Kidney; I want at least 50%."

"But that leaves no profit for us, see we're already paying this hobo 50% to not tell people we're selling sometimes stolen Kidneys."

"You do know that no one will believe the hobo, right?"

"Dang it! I knew that hobo cheated us!"

"And here I thought Aliens would be smarted than humans…"

"Well cut us a break, we're still saving up for a bigger saucer, and this one lights up like a Christmas tree. We want an all black stealth one. They're good for crop circles."

"If you get one can I drive it?"

"You know how to drive a flying saucer?"

"Naaah. I never got my license."

"You wanna go prank people then? We won't let you drive, but you can still dress up in aluminum foil, a sombrero, and some Christmas lights, and jump out at people with cameras. Then you buy a copy of the tabloid it shows up in and frame it on the wall."

"Will you pay for the framing costs?"

The alien, who looked a lot like a giant blob, laughed hysterically.

"You're serious?"

"Look, I'll tell you what, rent me the saucer for a few days and you can have my extra kidney. And not that crappy one. The pretty black one please."

"Deal."

And thus began Sarrel's flying saucer rampage. Cornfields all over the world were never the same again.

And as a note to fuzz, that took all of two hours to write. Get a move on writing the FMA chapter!!!


End file.
